Faith in the Plan

I was a little bit late to church today. It was odd – I really thought I was making good time but by the time I parked my car I was already five minutes late and since I only had two bucks on my I had to get money out of the ATM.

It happens, I guess. I just hate being late for mass after only three weeks in…

I’m starting to get comfortable with the church. I’m singing a bit louder and turning to the right pages in the prayer book in a timely fashion. I’m starting to fit in.

Speaking of fitting…today’s gospel and sermon were spot on. It was all about how having faith in God’s plan will allow you to do more than you ever imagined you could do and, in turn, God will use the labors of your work as he always intended to. It’s a powerful theory, one that resonates with another one of my big insecurities.

Back in college I started noticing something – stuff just goes my way. I’m not bragging here. It’s actually this freakish thing in my life where solutions don’t just present themselves; they wrap themselves up and overnight deliver themselves to my doorstep. Robin has noticed it and she’s called it “freaky” on several occasions.

Sometimes it’s big things. There was this one point in my life when I was hurting for cash and by a series of occurrences I obtain an over-twenty-grand cash infusion which got me out of my bind and financed the early stages of Postcards. And it’s small things. I’m out driving with only a permit and pull an illegal u-turn; I’m in danger of a five-year delay on my license. A cop pulls me over but lets me go the moment he walks to my car, saying he got a call he needed to answer.

Maybe taken on its own, stuff like that isn’t a big deal. But it honestly happens all of the time – it’s been happening since college.

It’s what got me to start praying in college, honestly. My prayers sounded like this, “Lord, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this but thanks!”

And I think it’s gotten me pretty far. I’m well taken care of at my day job. I take on too many projects, let some slack, and it’s always the ones that I focus on that turn into more money. The comic gig has been a dream come true. There are so many people trying for a little bit of anything – I edited two books that came out through Random House this year.

And every night I’d lay down in bed and say, “Lord, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this but thanks!”

I’ve always felt like there was some sort of plan. Like the road was being cleared for me and I was lunging forward, moving towards something. Now I’m approaching thirty and I’m starting to wonder when God will collect his dividends. Did I fall out of favor? Do something wrong? Miss an opportunity I was supposed to take? In other words, did I no longer deserve the added attention it felt like I was getting?

But reflecting on the sermon I realized that for all I know I’m currently doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Maybe there already is some benefit being gained from my work. No matter what, I’m not sitting back and doing nothing. I’m doing the most I can with what God has given me and I’ll just keep doing it – it’s going to fit into the plan.

I just have to have faith. When I pray at night, I just need to say, “Thanks.” It’s not a matter of what I deserve; it’s a matter of what I’m doing because it’s what I’m supposed to do.

I like the philosophy, I’m going to try and realign myself. It might sound stiff but I think it’s a great example of the free will we all have. I can do the minimum, or I can do the most I can with the gifts I have. That’s a big choice to make, and maybe it’s what really defines Good People. The ones who accomplish beyond even their own expectations. Whether you believe God benefits or not from your accomplishments is irrelevant; shouldn’t you want to be the best you can be no matter what?