Flashing #37: American Idol Critique

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Quick and cheesy gimmick, didn't even bother reading it over. Been a crazy day on top of a crazy week following a crazy weekend that capped off another crazy week. So, you know, this is how it's happening. It's an American Idol Critique...or a play-by-play, really, of the original memoir.

If you want more Flashing stories, check the main page.

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Randy: You know what I like about you, dog? You had this perfect set-up and you just wanted more. And you went for it. I don’t know if it necessarily worked for you, but you’re in it to win it. I liked it, man – you worked it out.

Kara: You were so on tonight. You know, this life, it isn’t yours. But you really went out there and gave it your best and you made it your own. At first I thought it wasn’t going to work out all that well, you were a little shaky up front, but then you brought your own artistry to the evening. I just have four words for you: “You are living the dream!”

Paula: It’s…it’s…you came out here…and you wanted to…you wanted to do your own spin on a…on a classic…and it’s not…it’s not that you necessarily did a bad job with it but…it’s James Brown…it’s James Brown and…

Simon: Get on with it.

Paula: Let me talk, ok? Look…it’s not that you didn’t…you’re a beautiful person and your voice it…it sounds like…a chorus of…love…and angels…and…but…it just wasn’t…you. It just wasn’t you. Sorry. But I love your outfit!

Simon: Ok, Jason, here’s the thing. This was kind of like being at an opera and getting a hot dog. You know you’re not supposed to do it, but you do it anyway.

Audience: BOOOOOOO!!!!

Simon: Let. Me. Finish. Let me finish. I mean, sure, the hot dog tastes good and all but, really, it’s an opera you’re at and you should be eating caviar and drinking champagne. Instead you’re eating corn dogs and beer.

Audience: BOOOOOOO!!!!

Simon: I’m just saying…I’M JUST SAYING…it was by far your worst performance and if I had to guess I’d say you’re in a lot of trouble of going home tonight.

Ryan: So let me ask you, Jason, do you feel like your performance was…what was that, Simon? Eating a corndog at an opera? Did you feel like your performance was like eating a corndog at an opera?

Jason: I really don’t know – look, I came out here to do what I love to do and I did it and maybe it didn’t work out. If I have to go home tonight than that’s what I’ll do, I’m excited to be with my girl again away, but, ultimately, that’s for America to decide.

Simon: Well I think…

Ryan: What’s that, Simon?

Simon: Well I think America will, ultimately, decide against him.

Audience: BOOOOOO!!!!

Ryan: Ok, well, what will you decide, America? If you want to vote for Jason his number is 866-436-5706. That number is again is 866-436-5706. And we’ll see you after the break.

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