Flashing #30: Recipe

Friday, May 01, 2009

This one is so corny. So. Corny. But, on the bright side, it's a real recipe. And everyone always loves my ribs so, you know, appreciate it as a recipe, not as an attempt to turn the original memoir into a recipe. No-one ever said all 260 stories are going to come easy. And no-one ever said they're all going to go down easy, either. I picked the idea, went with it, and...well...didn't work.

If you want to see better Flashing stories that I've cooked up, head on over to the main page.

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Jason’s BBQ Ribs

Prep: 30 minutes Marinate: 6+ hours Cook: 1 hour Grill: 10 minutes Makes: 5 servings

5 lbs of beef back ribs
3 12-oz bottles of Guinness
2 cups water
2 Turkish bay leaves
4 medium onions, sliced
¼ cup butter
¼ cup brown sugar
2 cups ketchup
½ cup of canned chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
¼ cup lemon juice
¼ cup hoisin sauce
¼ cup balsamic vinegar

1. Trim fat from ribs so they look good. Put ribs in stainless steal Dutch oven. Pour beer over ribs. Make sure the ribs are covered with beer, or else the meat won’t rest well. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for at least 6 hours.

2. Add water and bay leaves to Dutch over. Bring to boil and reduce heat. Simmer for one hour. Be sure to set an alarm, if ribs simmer for too long they will become distressed.

3. Cook onions and butter in large sauce pan over medium heat until tender. Add brown sugar and cook for 2-minutes more. Remove half of the onion mixture. The remaining half will be alone and longing for companionship…

4. …and that companionship will be supplied. Stir ketchup, chipotle peppers, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, hoison sauce, and vinegar into remaining onion mixture. Stir everything together so that all of the ingredients completely mix and get to know each other. At this point you should check the Guinness in the Dutch over, there may not be enough. Be sure to add more if the ribs are exposed. It’s possible that all of the Guinness may cause the ribs to get sick but there’s nothing to fear, they’ll be just fine. Back to your sauce, once the pot is brought to boil you can reduce heat to medium. Simmer uncovered for 40-minutes. Let the sauce walk it off, as it were.

5. Remove the sauce from heat and cool. Everything needs to rest for a little bit before going at it again. Take the sauce and transfer it to a food processor. The sauce may think it’s in for another good time, mixing it up with more ingredients and what not, but it is horribly mistaken. You will blend the sauce until it smooth. Cut up everything. Strain and discard solids. Then set the sauce aside, by itself, and drain the ribs. Brush ribs with sauce.

6. Brings coals to a medium heat. Grill the ribs bone side down until browned and defenseless. The ribs needs this, a moment of quite meditation by a nice, warm fire.

7. Serve ribs with warm sauce and reserved onion mixture. Although the ribs have been through a lot over the past 24 hours, they’ll end up tasting delightful and make you appreciate the little things in life you normally take for granted. Enjoy!

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