A Guide to the 2009 Presidential Inauguration
Thursday, November 13, 2008
So it seems like a lot of folks will be coming to DC for Obama's inauguration. In order to help you all with the ins-and-outs of the area and some insider info on Inauguration Day I made up a nifty little guide. Glad to be of service!
Don’t fear the panhandlers; they’re just looking for some change they can believe in.
If you want to schmooze with senators and lobbyists Nancy Pelosi will be on hand, scalping Inaugural Ball tickets to help pay for the $700-billion bail out.
The traditional 21-gun howitzer salute will seem to have a 22nd shot this year but that last one will actually be Sarah Palin killing the National Zoo’s panda cub, Tai Shan, from her helicopter in accordance with Alaskan law.
The National Mall is miles away from the Pentagon so you’ll be out of harms way in the event Obama’s friend William Ayers tries to take down the government again.
The swearing-in will likely be delayed after Chief Justice John Roberts reads an email that identifies Obama as a Muslim and brings a Quran to the ceremony instead of a Bible.
This may be your last chance to see George W. Bush before he moves on to Stage 5 of his plan to destroy America and seals himself in a panic room until the End of Days.
Secret Service agents will be watching out for terrorists, white supremacists, Hillary Clinton, and other maniacs determined to stop Obama from being sworn in.
John McCain should be in attendance although it’s possible he may spend his entire morning looking for his keys before deciding to stay at home with a bowl of a Weetabix and the latest Pluggers collection.
That crazy old man walking around and telling everyone he’s the reason Obama got elected is actually John Kerry. Give him some chocolate chip cookies and he’ll go away.
In 1977, Jimmy Carter was the first president to walk to the White House from the Capitol steps. Obama is expected to start a new tradition by flying to the White House on a rainbow.
If Obama actually is the Anti-Christ he’ll likely reveal himself during his inaugural address for maximum dramatic effect. The best view of the coming Apocalypse would be from the Jefferson Memorial.
Don’t fear the panhandlers; they’re just looking for some change they can believe in.
If you want to schmooze with senators and lobbyists Nancy Pelosi will be on hand, scalping Inaugural Ball tickets to help pay for the $700-billion bail out.
The traditional 21-gun howitzer salute will seem to have a 22nd shot this year but that last one will actually be Sarah Palin killing the National Zoo’s panda cub, Tai Shan, from her helicopter in accordance with Alaskan law.
The National Mall is miles away from the Pentagon so you’ll be out of harms way in the event Obama’s friend William Ayers tries to take down the government again.
The swearing-in will likely be delayed after Chief Justice John Roberts reads an email that identifies Obama as a Muslim and brings a Quran to the ceremony instead of a Bible.
This may be your last chance to see George W. Bush before he moves on to Stage 5 of his plan to destroy America and seals himself in a panic room until the End of Days.
Secret Service agents will be watching out for terrorists, white supremacists, Hillary Clinton, and other maniacs determined to stop Obama from being sworn in.
John McCain should be in attendance although it’s possible he may spend his entire morning looking for his keys before deciding to stay at home with a bowl of a Weetabix and the latest Pluggers collection.
That crazy old man walking around and telling everyone he’s the reason Obama got elected is actually John Kerry. Give him some chocolate chip cookies and he’ll go away.
In 1977, Jimmy Carter was the first president to walk to the White House from the Capitol steps. Obama is expected to start a new tradition by flying to the White House on a rainbow.
If Obama actually is the Anti-Christ he’ll likely reveal himself during his inaugural address for maximum dramatic effect. The best view of the coming Apocalypse would be from the Jefferson Memorial.
posted by Jason at
9:00 AM
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