The Moose in the Closet: President That One

Is it even worth talking about last night's debate?

Obama clearly won. Obama looked like the President last night, McCain looked like a guy that lost his keys. A confused old man, stuttering, stammering, and rambling, getting uncomfortably close to the audience members, and having his own talking points and catch phrases turned against him. As usual the pundits are playing the line that pushes undecided voters to stay undecided by saying, "Hey, in case you couldn't follow along, no-one really won," because undecided voters generate better news stories.

I'm not going to lie to you, if you paid a modicum of attention over the past month you shouldn't be undecided. If you're undecided, you're an idiot. And I'm not using "idiot" in the playful sense, I'm going dictionary.

idiot (n.) - an utterly foolish or senseless person.

Seriously, the only way you could be undecided right now is if you're the type of person who ignores all of the news and chooses a President based on assumptions you have on the candidate, personal appearance, or what your friends think. There is absolutely no similarities between these two candidates and there is absolutely no reason why you can't look at their beliefs and programs and say, "This one." I can't even comprehend how someone who is truly undecided can function day-to-day. Do they stand in front of their closet for an hour, trying to decide what to wear? Do they spend an hour at a restaurant staring at a menu only to ask the waiter to "bring whatever's good?" Does foreplay consist of flipping a coin to see if it's going to be missionary or doggie? How do you do it - how do you get through life completely unable to make a decision on little things when you can't even pick a candidate considering that the choices are worlds apart? I don't get it.

I also believe that people who choose McCain at this point are either functionally retarded, stubborn-as-all-hell, or, let's face it, racist. Let me make sure I'm absolutely clear here - I'm not saying if you vote for McCain you're some closet racist. You know if you're racist. I am saying that if you vote for McCain and you're not racist, you're either functionally retarded or stubborn-as-all-hell. And you can still vocally support McCain in order to save face in front of your friends or coworkers or whatever but if you go into that polling booth and press the button for McCain, congratulations! You're functionally retarded! Or stubborn-as-all-hell. Or racist. Either way you're a moron.

Even if you hate liberalism, even if you don't like the idea of a progressive government or, you know, helping people, an intelligent person has to, at some point, understand Obama is what this country needs right now. The conservatives successfully Starved the Beast, just like Reagan and Bush Sr. did in the 80s and 90s, and Obama won't be able to enact half of his liberal programs. His sole job would be to fix the budget, just like Clinton did in 1992-2000. McCain's sole job would be to continue to live by the GOP play book and starve the beast some more. The beast is famished, on its last legs, and can't survive through another 4-years of increased deficit. Fiscal conservatives with an ounce of sense should probably step back and start planning for 2016. By then we should be back in the black and you all can go fuck it all again.

This election really should be a landslide. I guess we'll see on November 4th. Just remember, Obama may seem to have it in the bag but only if you actually go out and vote for him. Don't get lazy in the end because "the polls are packed and he's gonna win anyway."

Labels: editorial, politics

President That One

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

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