RNC-Approved Pick-Up Lines

Tonight’s the final night of the RNC, “Party Night” as some folks like to call it. This is the night when the champagne is consumed, the women show off their cleavage, and the men put on their granny panties. One night every four years America’s elite retire to their hotel rooms with their future knocked-up brides for a night of breeding and kink. I’m posting a couple of quick RNC-approved pick-up lines so that no-one’s left out in the cold (or, even worse, trolling for sex in the men’s room).

“Why would we waste time prospecting for oil when I can oil up and then go prospecting instead?”

“I want to film a movie so nasty that the liberal media won’t even be able to comment on it.”

(While tapping your foot against a member of the opposite sex’s foot) “It’s like that, except we can get married afterward.”

“Thank God your mother adhered to pro-life values.”

“It’s an IED with a biological component and I’m using it to declare a fatwah on your pussy.”

“All this talk of torture has gotten me all worked up!”

“Let’s pretend you're Alaska and lay some pipe.”

“Hey, can you do me a favor? I need to prove to my minister that I cured the gay…”

“You’re a virgin? Don’t sweat it; with my brains and your lack of experience we can make a Republican Obama.”

“Not even Michael Moore would try and control this gun, baby.”

“I don’t normally do this but Palin has me feeling empowered...would you put your baby in me?”

“You may think the bulge in my pants is evolving but it’s actually being subconsciously designed.”

“I just deforested down there.”

“Honey, I swallow it all. There’s no child left behind.”

“I have oxycotton, a bald eagle, and some Anne Coulter slash fiction back in my room.”

Feel free to take what you want or come up with your own! And have fun, you crazy kids!

Labels: editorial, humor, politics

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