Polling Captain America

Last week I proposed 10 new questions polling organizations should ask the American People. In an attempt to be a nerd, I put these questions to Captain America to see how he'd respond.

1) Which candidate would you rather see cast as Catwoman in the next Batman film?

Now, now. McCain’s too respectable and Obama’s too uppity to play such an outrageous representation of female empowerment. Can I say Sarah Palin?

2) Which candidate would make a better guest judge on American Idol?

What’s that? A you tube?

3) If you were molested by your uncle as a child, which candidate would you most likely open-up to about the horrible ordeal?

I think Obama’s past as a community organizer makes him qualified to be some sort of hippy “feelings” guy. McCain would likely kill my uncle. I say McCain.

4) If all the physicists were to die tomorrow, which candidate would be better equipped to run the Large Hadron Collider?

Is that the machine Red Skull is using to destroy the world?

5) Which candidate would seem sleazier if her referred to your butthole as a poop shoot?

Obama would…ugh!

6) Which candidate would give a better bedtime reading of Shel Silverstein’s timeless classic The Giving Tree?

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7) Which candidate is more likely for forward a chain email to 20 friends in exchange for true love and good luck?

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8) Which candidate would give a better eulogy at your funeral?

Don’t let Tony Stark do it again. He’s a fucking faker.

9) Which candidate would make a better wing man?

I’ll take this one, Zombie Steve. Obama’s a Falcon costume away from being the best possible wing man and soldier.

10) If someone told you that a presidential candidate was beating the shit out of Spencer Pratt, would you a) assume it was John McCain, b) hope it was Barack Obama, or c) just be happy someone’s kicking the shit out of that douche?

I'd shoot him myself.

I’d eat whoever was left.

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Labels: comics, humor

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