New Polling Questions

Two new polls were released today, one where the people choose Barack Obama as the person they’d most want to watch football with and one were parents claim they’d rather have Barack Obama as their child’s teacher. I really don’t know why people don’t respond with, “What the fuck are you talking about?” when asked questions like this, but if the news organizations are going to continue to push conversations about inconsequential stuff I have some ideas for future polls…

1) Which candidate would you rather see cast as Catwoman in the next Batman film?
2) Which candidate would make a better guest judge on American Idol?
3) If you were molested by your uncle as a child, which candidate would you most likely open-up to about the horrible ordeal?
4) If all the physicists were to die tomorrow, which candidate would be better equipped to run the Large Hadron Collider?
5) Which candidate would seem sleazier if her referred to your butthole as a poop shoot?
6) Which candidate would give a better bedtime reading of Shel Silverstein’s timeless classic The Giving Tree?
7) Which candidate is more likely for forward a chain email to 20 friends in exchange for true love and good luck?
8) Which candidate would give a better eulogy at your funeral?
9) Which candidate would make a better wing man?
10) If someone told you that a presidential candidate was beating the shit out of Spencer Pratt, would you a) assume it was John McCain, b) hope it was Barack Obama, or c) just be happy someone’s kicking the shit out of that douche?

For the record, my answers would be:
1) McCain
2) McCain
3) Obama
4) Obama
5) McCain
6) Obama
7) McCain
8) Obama
9) McCain (Obama would be a total cock-block)
10) I’d assume it was John McCain, hope it was Obama, and try to find out where it’s all going down so I can get a couple of shots in.

Labels: humor, politics

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