Live Blogging the RNC

9:06 - It's Mitt! I like the cut of his jib.

9:07 - Constitutional rights and unions: liberal. Terrorists: liberal. You tell 'em, Mitt.

9:10 - I feel like I'm watching an infomercial for a juicer. A Freedom Juicer.

9:10 - Homes that are free from pornography; that's the Republican promise. Keep that shit in public restrooms.

9:11 - Seriously, Massachusetts, how'd you elect this guy?

9:11 - Hah, Mitt just called the Democrats "The party of Big Brother."

9:12 - Romney's shitting on the unions. Seriously, Massachusetts, blue collar state - what the fuck?

9:14 - Al Gore's private jet? OH NO HE DIDN'T!

9:14 - John McCain's gonna defeat Islam. Crowd chants "USA." That'll play well internationally.

9:15 - "People prefer straight talk to politically correct talk." Mitt then went on to call Obama an "uppity nigger".

9:17 - Mitt should have ended with, "Thank you, and God Bless America, and Jesus walked with the Indians!" I wonder if they would have cheered as much. Oh - and it's time for The Huck!

9:25 - Media's going to kill this McCain/Palin ticket. They're hungry for blood. Mitt's flipping the experience question back to Obama, seems to be the playbook.

9:26 - HUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! If all evangelicals where this funny I'd probably sign up to hate Muslims and fags too.

9:27 - Reporting has been "tackier than a costume change a Madonna concert."

9:29 - It's hard to hate Huck because every sentence has a Disney opening followed by ignorant bullshit. I just love to hear him. He's great. He's like an illinformed George Carlin.

9:32 - Bootstrap talk! "It isn't supposed to hurt when you take a shower." Use lube. Or soap. You're in the shower.

9:33 - "I'm a republican because I didn't spend my life poor, waiting for the government to rescue me." That will play well with the poor.

9:34 - "Sarah Palin got more votes running for Mayor in Wasilla than Biden got running for president." I can't wait to hear Biden's response to THAT one.

9:35 - Fucking torture porn. Always with the torture porn. It's like watching the bastard child of Saw IV and Hostel II.

9:36 - "He can't even lift his arms to his shoulder." Why Huck gotta dis on the disabled for?

9:37 - Black people!

9:38 - That story made no fucking sense. I think Huck was saying that our soldiers are dumber than elementary school students. Didn't Kerry get in trouble for that?

9:54 - Levi and Bristol in the house! Neither of them look like they want to be there. I love Levi's American flag pin.

9:56 - Sarah Palin's sister, Heather, is endorsing her sister. That's like my mom telling me how much she loves my comics.

9:59 - CNN: Heather, what do you think about the controversies surrounded your sister? Heather: Private, uhhh...convictions. Private. Really private. Morals.

10:01 - Oh, it's that guy that won Florida! The 9/11 guy!

10:02 - Let's count how often he says 9/11!

10:03 - Ignore the media! Ignore the celebrities! It's like George H.W. Bush times a million.

10:04 - Rudy sounds like Sylvester the Cat.

10:04 - Why isn't he mentioning 9/11? Is he broken?

10:05 - Wait! McCain was TORTURED? And he REFUSED TO GIVE UP INFORMATION? I didn't know that.

10:06 - 9/11, Rudy. 9/11!!!!!!

10:07 - BOOOOOOOO CHICAGOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

10:08 - I feel a 9/11 coming on. Come on! Come on! "Not good enough to be present. I wasn't present on 9/11!"

10:09 - "He never had to lead people in crisis!" Say it! Say it! Say 9/11 you four-eyed, divorcing, nazi fuck!

10:12 - John McCain's up at every 3AM because of his prostate, I'm sure.

10:13 - Dude, Huck did not like that anti-hope talk. What a money shot, CNN.

10:14 - "Drill, baby, drill!" I don't think the Republicans understand how to bring independents in anymore.

10:15 - Democrats are going to hurt jobs and send jobs elsewhere? DEMOCRATS? Lolwtfbbq?

10:17 - SEPTEMBER 11TTTHHHHHHHHHH! What took you so long, Rudy?

10:19 - Obama's a terrorist. "If I were Joe Biden I'd want to get that VP thing in writing." Oh snap! Sarah Palin should get it in writing, too.

10:20 - Oh, no. Obama saw a shade of gray! How dare he be open-minded!

10:22 - I can't stop staring at the void were Rudy's lips are supposed to be.

10:22 - Obama "looked back" with Biden, McCain "looked forward" with Palin. And Palin has more "executive" experience than the entire Democratic ticket combined.

10:24 - Nice shot of NYC behind Rudy while he's making fun of Obama for not thinking Wasilla, Alaska is "flashy enough."

10:25 - I'm going to get sick of hearing the term "elective experience."

10:25 - You don't get 80% in NYC because everyone in NYC hated you, Rudy.

10:26 - Did Rudy just "Whew?" Rudy standing up for woman's rights. The womanizing Mayor, himself, telling you how it is.

10:28 - Only one mention of 9/11. I'm depressed.

10:29 - What time is it? Palin time! Levi looks confused.

10:30 - No mention of moose tonight, I hope Sarah brings it.

10:31 - It would be awesome if she said, "Sorry, Charlie. No can do."

10:32 - We counted out McCain because he had no money, was down in the polls, and was fucking nuts.

10:33 - The pollsters don't really look at anything. They just call people.

10:34 - "True profile in courage." Was he tortured?

10:34 - This is already sounding like a HS valedictorian speech.

10:35 - Six minutes in and you've said NOTHING.

10:36 - Wait! What? You have a FAMILY? No shit. Veep! Veep! Veep!

10:38 - An advocate for family's of special needs children as long as treatment doesn't involve stem cells.

10:38 - This is the shittiest convention speech I've ever heard. It sounds like a drunken aunt at a family reunion.

10:40 - Sarah Palin is qualified to be in a family.

10:42 - Wait, are we getting to experience now? Tell me, Sarah, what it means to be mayor of a small town.

10:43 - Someone's getting kicked out - and check out those empty bleachers.

10:43 - Bitter McBitter! Hopey O'Hopely!

10:45 - It's the meeeeddddiiaaaaaa!

10:45 - It's not opinion, Sarah, when there's evidence to back it up. Lots of evidence.

10:47 - She still has not said a thing. Not a goddamn thing.

10:47 - And what the fuck is up with Mount Rushmore behind her?

10:49 - The media has to keep on this girl. Seriously. She's misrepresenting a lot of her positions and achievements here.

10:51 - Uh. I'm done. Whatever.

10:53 - I've seen multiple "hot chick" buttons. Feminism!

10:54 - Also, I think Sarah Palin believes in family and oil and that's about it.

10:58 - Increase the tax burden on the people in this audience. Not the people at home, watching, but let's pretend, ok?

10:59 - Man, McCain's not gonna dump her, is he?

11:02 - I hate the term "do nothing senate." We had two years and GWB vetoed like a maniac.

11:04 - Wait! What? John McCain was a SOLDIER?

11:05 - Palin qualified to be in a family. McCain is qualified to be tortured. That's what I learned today.

11:08 - Look. I know I don't like Palin. You know I don't like Palin. That was a bad speech. An empty speech where the teleprompter words were seen in her glasses the whole time. It was part "I have a family" and part "blood in the water" speech. There was no meat (except for the oil love affair), nothing that should be in a VP speech. Oh well - good chance she'll be president soon. God Bless Pandering.

Labels: editorial, live_blogging, politics

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