Christina Aguilera Need to Learn About Meddling Kids, Hoola-Hoops, and Onion Rings
Thursday, November 30, 2006
My mom called me last night to remind me to watch the tree lighting ceremony on TV. I started watching it a bit late, I caught Sara McLachlan’s rendition of Happy Christmas (War Is Over) which went right into Christina Aguilera singing a song from her new album. The song was called Hurt and, as far as I can tell, it’s about a girl that chases away her boyfriend and the boyfriend could possibly be dead now. Not sure.
And while she was singing this song, Sasha Cohen was figure skating.
And then they lit the tree.
And I watched this, mouth agape, and wondered, “What the fuck does this have to do with Christmas.”
It was a depressing song. I mean, seriously:
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Does that say “Christmas” to anyone? Only depressed people and they’re the ones killing themselves on Christmas – they’re probably not even watching the tree lighting ceremony. Would it have really hurt Christina Aguilera to sing, I don’t know, Jingle Bells? Oh Christmas Tree would have been a nice lead-in to the lighting of the tree.
It drove me nuts. But it also inspired me to bump back the story I had planned today and focus a bit on Christmas Music.
There are three Christmas albums I remember from my childhood. I used to get them out in December and play them on my little Fisher Price record player. Sitting under the tree, hot chocolate, cookies, and a Star Wars sleeping bag.
A Scooby Doo Christmas is one of the albums I remember. There weren’t any songs on it; it was a radio play of sorts where some ghost was scaring kids at an orphanage for some reason. Scooby Doo and pals get called in to solve the case and it turns out the ghost was some old man who would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for the meddling kids. I kind of remember Santa showing up in the end although I don’t know why. And I remember one of the clues being footprints in the snow.
A Chipmunk Christmas was another one. My parents hated that goddamn record, mainly because I kept playing Christmas Time Is Near over and over again. It would drive me mad, too, if all I heard was a high-pitched voice singing “Christmas, Christmas, time is near; Time for joy and time for cheer,” ever couple of seconds. I liked the song because one of the Chipmunks sang something like, “Me, I want a hooollllaaa-hoooooppp.” I loved that line. And then all the Chipmunks started fighting and Alvin got punished in the end – classic!
A Disney Christmas is the last album I remember and I still love that record to this day. The entire Disney family singing The 12 Days of Christmas was one of my favorite childhood memories. The song got more chaotic with every verse and towards the end Goofy belts out my favorite line, “Fiiivvveeee Onion Ringsssss.” God that cracked me up as a kid (I was easily amused).
For our first Christmas together Robin got me a working Fisher Price record player. Well, “working.” It plaid the records but the sound was modulating like mad. I got the old records from my parents and we sat in front of our little fake tree and listened to The 12 Days of Christmas while exchanging presents. The record kept sticking; I think we got up to the fourth day of Christmas before we gave up. But it was a nice little callback to Christmas morning as a kid.
We played the Chipmunk album next and it took about two seconds for me to get a headache. How did we tolerate that shit as kids?
And while she was singing this song, Sasha Cohen was figure skating.
And then they lit the tree.
And I watched this, mouth agape, and wondered, “What the fuck does this have to do with Christmas.”
It was a depressing song. I mean, seriously:
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Does that say “Christmas” to anyone? Only depressed people and they’re the ones killing themselves on Christmas – they’re probably not even watching the tree lighting ceremony. Would it have really hurt Christina Aguilera to sing, I don’t know, Jingle Bells? Oh Christmas Tree would have been a nice lead-in to the lighting of the tree.
It drove me nuts. But it also inspired me to bump back the story I had planned today and focus a bit on Christmas Music.
There are three Christmas albums I remember from my childhood. I used to get them out in December and play them on my little Fisher Price record player. Sitting under the tree, hot chocolate, cookies, and a Star Wars sleeping bag.
A Scooby Doo Christmas is one of the albums I remember. There weren’t any songs on it; it was a radio play of sorts where some ghost was scaring kids at an orphanage for some reason. Scooby Doo and pals get called in to solve the case and it turns out the ghost was some old man who would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for the meddling kids. I kind of remember Santa showing up in the end although I don’t know why. And I remember one of the clues being footprints in the snow.
A Chipmunk Christmas was another one. My parents hated that goddamn record, mainly because I kept playing Christmas Time Is Near over and over again. It would drive me mad, too, if all I heard was a high-pitched voice singing “Christmas, Christmas, time is near; Time for joy and time for cheer,” ever couple of seconds. I liked the song because one of the Chipmunks sang something like, “Me, I want a hooollllaaa-hoooooppp.” I loved that line. And then all the Chipmunks started fighting and Alvin got punished in the end – classic!
A Disney Christmas is the last album I remember and I still love that record to this day. The entire Disney family singing The 12 Days of Christmas was one of my favorite childhood memories. The song got more chaotic with every verse and towards the end Goofy belts out my favorite line, “Fiiivvveeee Onion Ringsssss.” God that cracked me up as a kid (I was easily amused).
For our first Christmas together Robin got me a working Fisher Price record player. Well, “working.” It plaid the records but the sound was modulating like mad. I got the old records from my parents and we sat in front of our little fake tree and listened to The 12 Days of Christmas while exchanging presents. The record kept sticking; I think we got up to the fourth day of Christmas before we gave up. But it was a nice little callback to Christmas morning as a kid.
We played the Chipmunk album next and it took about two seconds for me to get a headache. How did we tolerate that shit as kids?
Labels: dc
posted by Jason at
12:27 AM
1 Comments
jason rodriguez is an eisner and harvey-nominated editor and writer. email him. or become his digital BFF below:
www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos and videos from Eximious Pictures. Make your own badge here.
a few of my favorite things
barack obama blog@newsarama.com journalista pop candy dc conspiracy dcist cracked joshua hale fialkov salon slate funny or die arlington libraries quarterdeck amateur gourmet italy gawker trickster bethesda writer's center sam cooke standard attrition road trip america bendis board new york mets bell's two-hearted ale heidelberg pastry shoppe arrowine busboys & poets greenberry's arlington hard times cafe rhodeside grill ray's the steaks arlington cinema & draft house mediabistro galaxy hut washington post young liars scalped cotes du rhone cafe asia smithsonian institution san deigo five guys burgers and fries puma definitive jux dan the automator prince paul dj bc thomas pynchon william faulkner orson welles wonkette tallula rfd perry bible fellowship nerve big brothers/big sisters purple liquid strange maps lp cover lover boing-boing confessions of a college callgirl rebel xti defamer the beat
Previous Posts
- ‘Tis Better to Give…
- Making a List
- Deck the Halls
- Black Friday Gifts
- Our First Thanksgiving
- I’m going back to DAILY!
- Making Something From Not Much
- Smart People and Stupid People
- Script. Flipt.
- Checking in