People Who Hate Me: Mike
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
(Go check out Josh's NaNoWriMo, it's a fun time and he has a Chuck B.B. cover.)
During November I’m participating in National Novel Writing Month. All of the stories appearing in November have been written in advance as has this generic little opening you’re reading right now. Instead of comic book plugging I’ll be linking comic sites, blogs, artists, publishers and writers I dig and I encourage you to go check them out, have some fun, try something new, whatever. Today’s link is:
Caleb Monroe's Creator Services
Feel free to check out my NaNoWriMo progress right here and, if you're up to the challenge, feel free to read my NaNoWriMo novel right here. The novel will likely be very raw and extremely offensive, both to your moral sensibilities and the English language.
Story time…
____________________
Mike actually hated our entire floor freshman year in college and that’s ok because we all hated him.
It’s not like he ever really did anything to deserve the hate (unlike Ben sophomore year) but it was one of those things where we all couldn’t stand him because he wanted nothing to do with us.
His roommate Eric (who, if you haven’t figured this out yet, had the worst history of roommates – Ben was also his roommate) had reason to hate him more than the floor did. He didn’t wash all of the time, he smelled a little bit. He insisted on quiet past a certain hour but you really can’t get too upset about that. They really didn’t have any similar interests – the kid was honestly the only Republican (and a bit of a religious fanatic) I met in four years of college, he didn’t have many nice things to say about non-white, non-heterosexual, non-rich folk. He hung out with this annoying, unattractive AND overweight girl (the triple threat for instant scorn in any social circle). He might have been gay, too, which in and of itself is fine but the hypocrisy involved was overwhelming. There's nothing worse than someone who has no problem flinging hatred around at anyone's who not a rich white dude than someone who's hypocritical about it.
So, Eric’s hatred of his roommate combined with Mike’s disinterest in the floor made us all share in the hate.
It was even worst when his parents came. In attempt to make it look like he was our friend he’d bring his parents around, introduce them and I’d be stuck talking to his deep-south, type-2 diabetes hick father. And it was obvious the father didn’t like or trust us northern types – he always had these shifty eyes like he was expecting me to shank him. I always wanted to just blurt out that his son is an asshole and potentially gay, just to grind the conversation to a screeching halt and let me get the fuck out of that, but unfortunately for my own sanity I’m not THAT big of an asshole.
And then his grandma got sick.
Mike and his grandma must have been close because when she got sick that mother fucker broke down like you wouldn’t believe. He was confiding in Eric, crying all the time, staring out his window while playing Travis Trit or some country shit. Then he got the call and it was off to wherever he came from (which, as I think more about this, it might have been panhandle Florida – fuckers).
After the funeral he came back with a plant.
He told Eric, and I’m not making this up (I don’t think I could), that this was his grandma’s plant. He told him how much she loved her plants and how she kept them alive for years and how her house always looked beautiful and vibrant and full or life and how he wanted to take this plant so that he can be reminded of his grandma. I shit you not, he told all of this to Eric. And Eric told all of that to us.
The next time Mike wasn’t in his room, we poured a healthy dose of Clorox Bleach into the plants pot. It was withered within a few days. It smelled like bleach, too, he must have known. He probably just thought Eric did it – he never spoke to anyone on the floor again, though.
After destroying the memory of his grandma – the keepsake from the woman he loved more than any other, I think it’s safe to say Mike loathed all of us.
I think it’s safe to say he had good reason.
But goddamn it was funny.
During November I’m participating in National Novel Writing Month. All of the stories appearing in November have been written in advance as has this generic little opening you’re reading right now. Instead of comic book plugging I’ll be linking comic sites, blogs, artists, publishers and writers I dig and I encourage you to go check them out, have some fun, try something new, whatever. Today’s link is:
Caleb Monroe's Creator Services
Feel free to check out my NaNoWriMo progress right here and, if you're up to the challenge, feel free to read my NaNoWriMo novel right here. The novel will likely be very raw and extremely offensive, both to your moral sensibilities and the English language.
Story time…
____________________
Mike actually hated our entire floor freshman year in college and that’s ok because we all hated him.
It’s not like he ever really did anything to deserve the hate (unlike Ben sophomore year) but it was one of those things where we all couldn’t stand him because he wanted nothing to do with us.
His roommate Eric (who, if you haven’t figured this out yet, had the worst history of roommates – Ben was also his roommate) had reason to hate him more than the floor did. He didn’t wash all of the time, he smelled a little bit. He insisted on quiet past a certain hour but you really can’t get too upset about that. They really didn’t have any similar interests – the kid was honestly the only Republican (and a bit of a religious fanatic) I met in four years of college, he didn’t have many nice things to say about non-white, non-heterosexual, non-rich folk. He hung out with this annoying, unattractive AND overweight girl (the triple threat for instant scorn in any social circle). He might have been gay, too, which in and of itself is fine but the hypocrisy involved was overwhelming. There's nothing worse than someone who has no problem flinging hatred around at anyone's who not a rich white dude than someone who's hypocritical about it.
So, Eric’s hatred of his roommate combined with Mike’s disinterest in the floor made us all share in the hate.
It was even worst when his parents came. In attempt to make it look like he was our friend he’d bring his parents around, introduce them and I’d be stuck talking to his deep-south, type-2 diabetes hick father. And it was obvious the father didn’t like or trust us northern types – he always had these shifty eyes like he was expecting me to shank him. I always wanted to just blurt out that his son is an asshole and potentially gay, just to grind the conversation to a screeching halt and let me get the fuck out of that, but unfortunately for my own sanity I’m not THAT big of an asshole.
And then his grandma got sick.
Mike and his grandma must have been close because when she got sick that mother fucker broke down like you wouldn’t believe. He was confiding in Eric, crying all the time, staring out his window while playing Travis Trit or some country shit. Then he got the call and it was off to wherever he came from (which, as I think more about this, it might have been panhandle Florida – fuckers).
After the funeral he came back with a plant.
He told Eric, and I’m not making this up (I don’t think I could), that this was his grandma’s plant. He told him how much she loved her plants and how she kept them alive for years and how her house always looked beautiful and vibrant and full or life and how he wanted to take this plant so that he can be reminded of his grandma. I shit you not, he told all of this to Eric. And Eric told all of that to us.
The next time Mike wasn’t in his room, we poured a healthy dose of Clorox Bleach into the plants pot. It was withered within a few days. It smelled like bleach, too, he must have known. He probably just thought Eric did it – he never spoke to anyone on the floor again, though.
After destroying the memory of his grandma – the keepsake from the woman he loved more than any other, I think it’s safe to say Mike loathed all of us.
I think it’s safe to say he had good reason.
But goddamn it was funny.
Labels: mitc
posted by Jason at
12:00 AM
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