Jason Rodriguez - The Moose in the Closet: The Moose’s Closet: Halloweenie

I once again apologize if any of this is sloppy; there was no time to go over it. I’m going to get so shit-faced this Saturday. Which brings me to…

This mother fucking Saturday is the Counter Culture Festival. If you are in or around DC you need to come. Matt, Evan and I put a lot of time into this to make sure that it’s enjoyable for all. It’s free admission, it’s a celebration of art in our nation’s capitol – please come by.

Secondly, before the story, I need a good message board to hang out at when I want to escape from my day job. Any suggestions? Bendis Board is too incestuous, The Engine is too – I don’t know – it’s too late for me to get integrated there (plus I find the layout confusing), Digital Webbing is too “Here’s the Thing…” inspiring, Scryptic has this one guy who’s just an idiot and kills all conversation, Comicon is all-right, I guess, but it’s sometimes too Newsarama light and I don’t want to talk to 99% comic-fan, I want some more creators in there. I don’t want to talk comics all the time but when I do I don’t want a barrage of self-promotion from people who don’t even read what other people have to say. I want the occasional discussion on comic creation but at the same time I want to be able to talk about my annoying ass coworker. The ‘tope board had promise for a while but that faltered and now it’s gone. Is there a board out there for me that I can waste my time on?

Thirdly, there will be a new Here’s the Thing… next week. I was going to put one up today but I’ve just been slammed.

Fourthly, novel is still being written if you want to read it.

Storytime…

________________

Oh yes, that’s right, a Halloween posting two weeks too late. But it had to come this week because, you know, it makes sense. So let’s do it.

I wish this entry will end up being funny because of my ingenious and often hilarious Halloween costumes that I’ve donned throughout the years but sadly that won’t be the case. You may find my complete lack of imagination hilarious, I know I do, and if you don’t find that more subtextual humor to your liking, well, you can seriously eat my ass.

I’ve already told you about my mad gardener costume (there’s a picture on that link if you missed it). It was on the fly, last minute and meant to be a psycho killer of some sort except I was this idiot kid who thought psycho killers carried weed whackers and a wrench. As bad as that costume was, it was seriously the most imaginative I’ve ever been.

I go through phases, really. And you might interpret that as, “Oh, Jason goes through superhero phases followed by a monster phase followed by…” That would be incorrect, however. I go through phases as in…

I was a ninja for three years in a row. That was my ninja phase. One year I wore all white and made this white ninja mask out of a pillow-case that look exactly like a ku-klux-klan mask. You know that episode of South Park where Eric’s teacher makes him exchange his Hitler costume for a ghost costume that looks like a Klan costume? That was me except I went straight for the Klan. In my defense, I was about eight years old. In my mom’s defense, she never did well in her history classes.

So I was a white ninja/Klansman and my cousin Luis was…wait for it…the black ninja. We were a fucking kung-fu fighting, trick-or-treating team.

The following year we switched. I was the black ninja and he was the racist child in the Klan outfit. The third year I went back to white and Luis said, “Fuck that, I’m going to be Freddy.” He moved on before I did.

The next year, however, I was…Freddy.

No, I’m not proud.

And then I spent a couple of years as Jason Voorhees with the Mad Gardener positioned somewhere between that run.

Are you laughing? Are you getting the more sublime humor here?

I know I was a Mexican one year in high-school. Poncho, sombrero, cigar, gun. That’s right, I was the racist, stereotypical representation of a Mexican. Speedy Gonzalez said I was unfairly representing his people. Whatever.

Then I spent three years dressed as a woman. This was my “woman” phase, obviously. Yeah, I have a picture, check it:

Sexy. Mother. Fucker.

Or sexy fucking mother. Or sexy mother fucking mother. I like that.

Up until graduation, Halloween for me was just one ho-hum after the other. I think Robin sparked my creative juices in that regard – since college I’ve been a Software Pirate (where I dressed like a Pirate and distributed free copies of Adobe Photoshop), 80’s workout Guy, etc – just more creative shit. Except for last year. Last year I got drunk with Guam and we crashed some 19 year old chick’s party with the intention of break dancing except we chickened out because the girls there were really hot.

That was a good Halloween.

Labels: mitc

The Moose’s Closet: Halloweenie

Friday, November 11, 2005

0 Comments

Previous Posts