The Moose in the Closet: Playing With Balls: Rounding the Bases

So I’m going to a pig roast/pajama party on the 15th and I’m not sure if I should go silk pajamas/robe ala Hugh Hefner or Spider-Man Pajamas/hoody ala Jason Rodriguez. Either way I think I’m going to invest in a pair of fluffy-ass bunny slippers.

Elk’s Run #5 is in Previews! Order #OCT053177. Click here for a printable order form that you can just fill out and drop off at your retailer (along with the Bumper Edition and Issue 4 incase you didn’t order them yet.

A good friend of mine got invited to pitch to one of the big two. I can't say too much but I’m asking you to say a prayer and sacrifice a goat to Will Eisner for my friend. Because if he gets in, that’s one more pair of coattails I can grab onto.

Also, look to the right. See that NaNoWriMo image? If you click on that you'll be able to track my progress as I write my novel starting November 1st. It’s going to be a modern romance, of sorts. I have my characters, theme, skeleton plot and even my first line. I’m nowhere near ready yet but it’s coming together.
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If the conditions were right, stoopball was the damn near perfect game. People from Brooklyn use their stoops for drinking, barbequing, reading – all the shit you see in the movies – but us kids knew the reason they were really built. Stoopball.

Stoopball is a baseball variant for the lazy. You slam your blue ball onto the edge of a step and watch it fly. If it gets fielded, either a ground ball or a pop-fly, you’re out. If it’s a groundball that goes by the defenders it’s a base hit. If it’s a pop-fly or line-drive that doesn’t get caught but doesn’t make it across the street it’s a double. If it’s a pop-fly or line drive that makes it across the street and doesn’t get caught it’s a triple. If it hits the house across the street without hitting the ground first it’s a homerun.

You don’t actually run the bases; you just “take your base” for symbolic purposes which means you could stand where the base would be if this was real baseball or you can just keep track of how many runners you have on base. It’s a simple game and the easiest way to play a baseball derivative without needed equipment and tons of people.

Of course, many factors can influence the game play and you rarely find yourself in a situation where the conditions are perfect for a game of stoopball.

First of all, you need to find a stoop with no cars in front of it. On some blocks that might be cake, on Woodhull Street that was a fucking miracle. Not only can no cars be in front of the stoop but it’s a much better game when you have a 90 degree variance clear of all cars. Basically no cars around to get in the way of fielding the ball. This means ideal conditions for a most excellent game of stoopball are only met during block parties. And with block parties you have to deal with the hundreds of people that are running around throwing water balloons at each other.

If you find a stoop that’s cleared-out well enough you need to make sure some crazy old fucker doesn’t live there. For some reason these crazy old fuckers in Brooklyn get very protective of their stoop – they don’t want you sitting on it and they sure as hell don’t want you blasting blue balls off of it. Games of stoopball that take place on some crazy old fucker’s stoop are more like guerrilla style – every five second you’re looking to see if the dude is peering out his window and if he is you fucking book it.

Aside from cars and crazy old fuckers there were plenty of other obstacles that can interfere with some good ‘ole stoopball. For instance, the city decided to pretty up our block one year and planted trees on it. My stoop has a big ass tree positioned right in front of it. Just like that the city took my own stoop out of play. Johnny Pumps were also a problem as well as people that might be sitting on their own stoop across the street – they don’t like getting pelted with blue balls.

A good game of stoopball was so hard to come by that we simply ended up playing its retarded cousin – wallball. (I understand that some neighborhoods call handball “wallball”. I’m not saying wallball was the official name of this game, that’s just what we called it). Wallball was stoopball but with a wall being used instead of a stoop. The problem is, it’s almost impossible to hit a homerun when you play wallball. The only option is pop-fly in the infield, ground ball or line drive. Some people can get the ball off the wall with just enough strength to get it all the way across the street but it was few and far between and more muscle mass than skill.

Stoopball required skill. A little toss thrown just right can send the ball flying. Wallball just required brutish strength and a little luck. But, nevertheless, the wall down the block from us had no windows and a Johnny Pump off to the side which made it illegal for a car to park there. It was a perfect wall for wallball and we played a good amount of it because of it.

But that was only when we were in the mood for a baseball type game. Otherwise that wall had another purpose – the greatest game ever invented – the cause of our cuts and our scars and our sore asses – I’m talking Suicide. And we’ll be getting into that game tomorrow.

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Playing With Balls: Rounding the Bases

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

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