Jason Rodriguez - The Moose in the Closet: Aprendiz and The Mamms: Take Two

I talked about Adam Suerte’s Aprendiz in the past on this site; I picked up the first two issues at last year’s SPX. I got to grab the third issue this year and whereas it had a different tone than the first two it was still a beautiful book with a thoroughly engaging and honest story. It loses some of that “struggling hero” feel, Adam’s apprenticeship takes a turn for the better as he starts to actually get good – his confidence builds – but it makes up for it with an extremely interesting look at the tattooing world and how one learns their craft while having some genuine moments where you feel nothing but pride for a guy you don’t even know partaking in a craft you know nothing about.

Think of it this way, if some dude was to write a story about learning to be a knitter it would have to be insightful and interesting as fuck to get me past the first page. As much as I will acknowledge tats are a lot cooler than knitting, they’re both about the same distance away from “my world” and yet Adam gives his story the right amount of human drama to make his experience, despite how dissimilar to anything I’d ever go through, relatable.

I said it once and I’ll say it again – buy this book. You can get it through his site.

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Yesterday I began my journey into the wonderful world of titty by talking about the first pair I’ve seen from afar and the first pair I’ve seen up close four years later and the disappointment I felt when I realized that titties weren’t what I built them up to be. Despite the initial let down, I decided to investigate the mythos behind the titty. I began to study what, exactly, made something like porno mags stolen from Joe Tomo’s Cigar Shop sexy and Natural Geographic pictures laughable. They both had titty, so why was one so much better than the other for getting my teenage hormones to go from “raging” to “fucking supernova”.

The problem was that I was not presented with titty again until I was fifteen years old – my studies had to wait two full years. I think this was a very unhealthy situation to be in – like the stem cell researcher I was hungry for knowledge and had no material to work with. The titty-void left me open to the wrong types of influences.

Some of you may recall that I was working at a local video store and had access to all kinds of porno – it was a thirteen-year-old’s dream come true. Now, as a responsible adult, I believe that thirteen-year-olds should have to work for their porno. When it’s all there for the taking – every fetish, pleasure and mustache style – it has a profound effect on what’s wrong and what’s right when it comes to sex. I had no boundaries, no-one to tell me, “No, Jason, most teenage girls don’t do that – that’s more of a thirty-seven-year-old-cheating-on-their-husband thing.”

So, skipping the details of every movie I’ve ever watched, by the time I hit fourteen I thought titties were nothing but humongous, perfectly tanned, slappable, extremely bouncy, cum-catching, whipped cream covered, clothes-pin wearing bags of flesh that you can violently pinch until you practically rip them off. So, you know, that’s why I didn’t “get them” the first time I saw them – I didn’t give them a back hand chop to bring out the natural redness.

Fucking porno.

Needless to say that the next time I got my hands on some titty it was followed five seconds later by an “ouch” and a quick pull away because I pretty much pinched it so hard the poor girl will never be able to breast-feed.

It was at a teen-club, which is where most of my more embarrassing stories take place, and I was sitting in a dark corner making out with some chick whose name I don’t remember since, you know, she stopped talking to me after that night. We took a walk outside, Bay Ridge area, and found a park. After another heavy make out session she pulls away, looks around, and smiles as she pops some titty out of her tubetop.

This time I was “ready” for them.

Except, of course, they were a lot whiter than anything I’ve seen in a porno movie and nowhere near as bouncy but I didn’t let that get to me – tan lines are fine and you occasionally saw them in the more low-budget movies. I went back to the making out, quick cup of the titty, and the pinch.

She honestly had tears in her eyes. She pulled away and popped her top back on, backed away from me and ran off, either because she was crying or because she thought I was going to wear her skin as a trench coat.

I still had a lot of learning to do.

Labels: mitc

Aprendiz and The Mamms: Take Two

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

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