Guest Writer: Robin tells "What Really Happened"

Friday, July 15, 2005

Extra special treat to finish up the two weeks of guest writers. Robin, the love of my life, my baby for the past six years, wrote a story for The Moose.

But what’s extra special about it is, it’s a great little experiment in story-telling. From the beginning I said that this site was about finding a story everyday. That no matter how mundane your day is, every minute is a story that contributes to a larger story. This site is all about when I first realized that and trying to turn my average life into something entertaining.

Robin decided to take my version of us getting together and tell her side of what really happened. There’s a drastic change in tone and message, for starters, but on top of that it’s kind of fun to read it and realize that every minute of your life is a different story for different people.

Enjoy and my stories come back starting Monday.


So here is my side of the story of how Jason and I got together. I had been watching him from afar for maybe a semester or so. He lived in the dorm where my dining hall was so I saw him frequently and thought he was cute but didn’t know anything about him. It was on that day in the dining hall that I realized that he was an RA and friends with my RA, Kat, who I was pretty close with. They were all sitting together and I saw my opportunity and pounced. I sat down and Jason was indeed reading the personals quite intently (note: see paragraph #7 of his corresponding story; not looking for a girl, my ass). I did make a witty comment about Jason not needing those personals. Jason looked up from the paper, looked at me, then looked back down. I guess I just wasn’t the ad he was looking for. I don’t remember any spark of interest from him but he says that he was impressed with my video library (ie, Rambo). I didn’t have time to waste on this guy if he wasn’t interested and so I excused myself to go watch Wheel of Fortune.

I didn’t go out with everyone that night but Kat knew I was interested in Jason and somehow the two of them made their way back to the German Haus (my dorm) and Kat woke me up and told me to get downstairs. We all drank, listened to music, laughed and had a good time. Jason was wearing plaid pants with a hole in the ass and suspenders. He called himself a “fashion misfit” which he denies to this day. But he most certainly did – you can’t mess with my memory.

After staying up all night and really hitting it off, I was ecstatic until he ignored me the next day. That sure made me feel good. I thought he was a dick, but when the German Haus had another get together a little while later, I decided to see if I couldn’t woo him again. He fought. He did use that “I’m gonna have a glass of wine, masturbate and then go to bed” line. I didn’t doubt that was the truth but that didn’t cut it with me. He came over. It was another great night. More people were there, we were all laughing; we smoked in the basement dorm room and wandered around the Charles River where Jason quizzed me on my wildlife knowledge. He honest to God could not understand why I couldn’t name all the different species of birds native to the area, just because I was from the area. How that makes sense I don’t know. Jason also conveniently left out the part about the killer squirrel that we encountered at the river. That crazy cracker was coming at us and he kept pushing me ahead of him. Sure we were stoned and people do some crazy shit when they’re high, but that was pretty shitty on his part. That squirrel was going to fuck us up and I was going first. Luckily we got out of there ok.

Anyways, after this night Jason ignored me again and it sucked all over again. Maybe he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but acknowledge me when we’re both standing in the salad line dammit, what’s wrong with you?

I ended up staying on campus for the summer working for buildings and grounds and it just so happened that my area was where Jason was living that summer. I had no idea that he was staying there for the summer and I felt pretty dumb when he saw me picking up the trash from him lawn a couple months later and he just awkwardly looked at me and said, uhh, what are you doing here? I felt like a stalker. And I know he thought I was stalking him. A few days later I was drinking with my roommate and after a few beers I decided that Jason had one more chance to get with this. If he denied me one more time, I guess I would have to take the hint. Scared shitless and feeling very vulnerable I went to his apartment and invited him over. He started rambling about having other things to do, he started making calls to see if anyone else wanted to hang out and I just waited, feeling like an asshole, to see if he was absolutely, positively, free to hang out with me. He finally, reluctantly, said he would come over. He did not look happy and I felt like an idiot. This guy did not want to hang out with me but he was because he felt obligated or something, who knows what he was thinking?

We drank a lot of beer. I kept them coming. I made sure he was drunk and vulnerable and I played lots of sexy music. I was very smooth. When the moment was right, I pounced. He stayed the night and I did not fart at all that night. That’s a vicious lie.

I thought all was good but then he had a date the next night. I was hoping he would cancel it. I mean, what was the point? I thought we were finally getting things started. But no, he had to weigh all his options (even though he was NOT looking for a relationship, remember??) before settling with me. Again, it made me feel really good about myself. My self esteem was skyrocketing! I love being denied repeatedly and then just when thongs really looked good, being told to wait to see if someone else was better than I was and if they weren’t, then ok, I would do.

As it turns out Jason’s blind date was a wash (hahaha) and he finally gave me a real chance. Moral of my story: guys, don’t be dicks to girls. It makes them feel real bad.
If you’re not interested, don’t act like you are. And just because you see some girl picking trash up in front of your apartment doesn’t mean she’s stalking you.


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jason rodriguez is an eisner and harvey-nominated editor and writer. email him. or become his digital BFF below:

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