Speakeasies, Sparks and Magic Glasses

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

What an interesting article about Speakeasy Comics and the books they’re adding to their line-up. So interesting. Huh. Don’t you find it to be interesting? Here's a hint - I edit Elk's Run and all of Hoarse & Buggy's books.

This Washington Spark Comics’ Page is going to win awards. You have to see the guys I have lined up. Best fucking comic’s page ever. Sam Keith, Sergio Aragones and Craig Thompson won’t be doing a strip, unfortunately. BUT, the people that will be doing one will equally rock you. I’m just amped, I just got two more yeses from people that I LOVE LOVE LOVE. All I need to do now is learn Quark.

____________________

Our Principle in PS58 was Mrs. Seehof and this woman was NUTS.

And I don’t mean nuts as in “crazy”, I mean nuts as in crazy magic powers and sixth sense kind of stuff. She was five-foot tall, stocky, old and always calm and in control – she never lost her shit. And she didn’t need to, either. Because she had to of been in-line with Satan.

She knew everything. Every morning we had to line-up in the schoolyard, by class, before being allowed in the building. Mrs. Seehof would sit in her office on the second floor, look out the window at the hundreds of kids that attended her school, turn on her microphone and pass judgment before letting us in.

I’m not even joking when I say Mrs. Seehof spotted G chewing gum from about 600 feet away through a dirty window and steel bars. She picked him out.

“Mr. Monaco!” the loudspeaker attached to the outside of 58s blared, “Remove that gum from your mouth before entering this building!”

She’d call us on everything. If we were talking, she’d hear us, through brick walls and storm windows. If someone wasn’t standing straight she’d reprimand him. Oh man, and god-forbid someone wasn’t wearing their red-tie on assembly day.

“Mr. Rodriguez? Where if your tie, young man?”

Before I can even answer she comes right back, as if she read my mind.

“Left it at home, Mr. Rodriguez? I hope your mother didn’t have plans today because she will be bringing that tie here before you’re allowed in this building.”

And then, there were the Magic Glasses.

The Magic Glasses. I know that you read that and you probably laughed, because there’s no such thing as Magic Glasses. Bullshit, man, those glasses were so magic Harry Potter wouldn’t be able to handle them. They’d fuck him up.

She only busted them out when we were unruly. When there was too much chattering, laughing, gum-chewing and slouching going on in the schoolyard. When it came to that, Mrs. Seehof would take off her glasses. We’d see it happen, through the window, we’d see that meaty paw reach up to her face and come down with those coke-bottle glasses in hand. And then she’d fuck us all up.

“Nicole, Christina, Mike, Ross and James are talking. Ritchie, Charles and Max are chewing gum. Jessie – you are NOT standing straight. Madeline and Michelle are laughing. And John Smith – your shoes are untied.”

“Now, I’m going to count to three and put on my Magic Glasses. When I do that, I better see five-hundred students that are ready to come into this building.”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

Want to know what happened next? We looked like a fucking military line-up. Nobody even swayed. Say what you will about the Magic Glasses, they worked every time. Maybe it was because no-one wanted to know what would happen if the evil black-magic spinning Satan spawn would put them on and we weren’t all prim and proper but, you know what? Seven years in that school and it never happened. Not once.

Fuck that. Magic Glasses.

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