The Moose in the Closet: Sundown and Pornographic Baby Steps (UPDATE!)

Update: Oh my. Friend of mine showed me this link, which made me laugh, so I decided to go around and see whatever Liefeld inspired sites existed. Stumbled across his fan site. Ever wonder who reads Liefeld books? Well, this page pretty much sums it up. In case they catch me linking and fix it, the page reads: "Due to space need, this section is closed for instance. I'll try to re-built it soon..." Mystery solved, folks. Mystery solved.

Pimp today goes out to my good friend Jay Busbee who’s first book is soliciting in Previews this month. His new book, Sundown, is being published by Arcana Studios and is “a three-issue crime/horror series set in a land where dying just means you’re switching sides.” It features Ryan Bodenheim’s (geocities site, beware)pencils and Golden Goat Studio’s Ray Dillon’s colors. Order yourself a copy at your local shop, Previews Order #MAY052493.

Jay is a sports writer making his break into comics. He got his start in our book, Western Tales of Terror #1, and has a short in Digital Webbing #23. He’s also helping me out quite a lot with my baseball story, I’ll probably even go so far as to call him "editor" once we get an artist locked-in (sports writer that can tell stories sequentially – too good to be true).

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Gather ‘round kids, it’s story time…

When I was in Junior High School I entered this thing called “The Shadow Program”. This was a program where you spent a year working a part-time job, before you were legally allowed to work in NYC, and you kept a journal about your experiences. Some people got office jobs, some got jobs in restaurants or coffee shops. Me? I got the best job a 13 year-old-kid could ask for. I was the clerk at a video store.

I really learned nothing of any sort of value doing this, but I had a job for the next five years, until I graduated High School, and the job was glorious.

Video games and movies were free. When the store was slow we watched films and played games and the store was slow quite often. My friends would always come by, sample the newest games, and watch the R-rated films our parents wouldn’t let us watch and open the arcade machines and give out tons of free credits.

It didn’t take long for us to realize the one-true benefit to working at a video store; it actually probably took less than a week. Porno. More porno then any kid my age has ever had access to. With new shipments coming in every Wednesday. All types of porno, the video store never really purged its porno collection. We had movies from every decade and for every fetish. And we watched them all. Midgets, fat-chicks, obscure films like “Edward Penishands” (Contains nudity: recently reviewed on Something Awful, I saw it the week it came out), interracial films, gangbangs…everything you could possibly watch (from a video store) we watched. We found out what a bisexual film was the hard-way, damn-it!

But there was a learning curve. You see, before we discovered that we could actually watch porno while working in the store, I had to sneak it out and bring it to somebody’s house. I’m not sure what the circumstances were around how I got this particular movie but, the first porno I ever watched, the first one that I snuck home and popped in a friend’s VCR while we all sat around salivating for what we were going to see…was Caligula.

Now some of you instantly got the joke and are laughing right now. Some of you don’t see why that’s funny. You see, Caligula isn’t really a porno. It was a bizarre film which was partially financed by Penthouse with lots of big name actors lending their skills to the story of Caligula’s life. And, somewhere in post-production, there were several hardcore sex scenes added to the film, including a two-girl on one dick blowjob complete with cum-rocket.

So here we are, ready to watch Caligula, and instead are treated to some drama with violence and bloody beheadings and the occasional blow-job. Basically, I failed in my task. The blow-job was a good blow-job, but we were too scarred from the excessive blood and gore and Peter O’Toole to really appreciate it.

I wish I remember the circumstances that led up to getting that movie. I’m pretty sure someone recommended it, but I don’t know who, and looking back at it now, it was obviously some asshole playing a prank on us.

Our second attempt was a little better. We tried to go with a movie that showed the most explicit sex on the cover and went with some amateur film called “Hardbodies Part _____”. Whereas there was no plot and nothing but straight sex, the movie was gross. The people were gross, the sex was gross, and there were two scenes. One lasted about ten minutes. The second was one guy having really awkward sex with one girl for about 50 minutes. It actually made sex boring. I remember watching it as a kid and saying, “Sex doesn’t look like a lot of fun.”

But we eventually hit our stride. It’s funny because I watched a lot of porno movies that were produced between 1991 and 1996 and remember most of them, titles and scenes. A couple of times I’ve been at a bar and they’ll put some porno on the TV (some of the swankier, hip bars in DC and NYC I’ve been to do that occasionally), and I’ll look at it and say, “Oh, that’s Takin’ It to the Limit Part Five. There’s this great scene in the beginning where a girl takes it from two guys while be completely blindfolded. It was the first time I’ve ever seen a double penetration in a porno. Good stuff.” And I then turn to my friends and see them giggling at me, the pervert with the stiffy and a catalogue of fond childhood memories involving porno.

make sure you get the unrated version, fanboy: Caligula (Unrated)

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Sundown and Pornographic Baby Steps (UPDATE!)

Friday, May 06, 2005

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