The Moose in the Closet: Jam, Honor, Drunk, and Hanging Out On Ocean Parkway

Last night the DCC had a blast jamming away and making comics. Each participant drew a panel and passed it along to the next guy, it was good ‘ole times. We drank – a lot – and some might say the work suffered for it. I’ll let you be the judge of that, but keep in mind at least four of us had more than two pitchers each:

As a little note about the site. I did put up an Amazon Honor System box. It started when Robin said, “Between this and Hoarse & Buggy you’re working two+ hours a night on stuff you don’t get paid for.” Now, I can’t say I totally agree with her, but at the same time the Honor System box is a great way to put some more jokes into the site and, if you’re so inclined to donate, go right ahead. As you can see by the page, I have modest goals.

Below is my story for the day. Now, as I said in the introduction, I wrote it while drunk. It probably took about two hours. If I wrote it while sober, I wouldn’t be using it right now, but I think it’s pretty funny reading it, keeping in mind that the only reason I was doing it was to keep from throwing up. If this your first time to the site and you’re looking for a good, funny story, I suggest the following: The Piss Drunk Piss, Learning to Drink and The Almost Greatest Accomplishment. If you’re looking for some drama, I suggest The Gang Fight, The Day Mike Got Shot, Sentimental Bullshit, La Carta or El Funeral. Otherwise, enjoy:

______________

Short story today because, well, I was really busy this weekend, didn’t get to prepare and now I’m drunk. Makes me want to tell a story about a previous drunken encounter so, here I go…

I haven’t talked about Jackie and Mary yet because, well, I feel really bad whenever I think about them. Jackie and Mary where, hands down, my best friends in high school and college. We were just stupid tight. And to really sum up where that went, Jackie got married this summer and I wasn’t invited and even if I was, I probably wouldn’t have went. Ok, well, I probably would have but it would’ve felt really weird.

Now, I still love her to death. And, like I said, I can’t even think about her without feeling like shit BUT, being drunk, this is a good way to introduce the both of them (score one for alcohol). Because, when it comes down to it, writing my life would be incomplete without them in it, despite how shitty I feel putting them into this.

We had a restaurant we loved, on West 14th St, called La Espana (put the squiggly over the “n”, I pretty much typed every word wrong so far, went back and fixed it, and there’s no fucking way I’ll do the whole Insert->Symbol thing and find the Spanish-n -- but I’ll sure as fuck talk about not finding it, which took about five minutes. By the way, how do you like that double-dash? Comic style, baby).

Anyway, one day we went to La Espana and (keeping in mind it is really, really easy to get piss drunk without ID in New York), had a couple of Bloody Mary’s. I never had a Bloody Mary before but I ordered one as if I had and God-dammit I was gonna drink it. And I did. Actually, I drank about four of those vile, hot-sauced kicked-up drinks and didn’t complain once.

After our classy dinner, we decided to buy 40s and make our way to Washington Square Park where we sipped on malt-liquor goodness and bought some weed of a Jamaican. Because, that’s what New Yorkers do.

We drank and smoked and the went back to Jackie’s house where we had a couple of glasses of wine with Jackie’s mom, whom I often called “DJ Nelly D”, and she often laughed whenever I said it.

So. After a couple of drinks I realized I had the shits, as I often do when I drink too much. I shit twice already through out the course of writing this story. Matter of fact, I’m sitting on the bowl right now. So I went to the “half-bath” that was in the kitchen. About two minutes into my ass-explosion I spun off the bowl and started puking. I was at least able to wipe and flush, unlike the last time.

Now, this was a small bathroom. You could basically sit on the bowl and nothing more. So when I passed out on the floor, with my pants off, I was pressed up against the door which is how I passed out.

DJ Nelly D opened the door, and my underage ass spilled out onto the kitchen floor, pants off, puke all over the place.

As an additional aside, I just called Josh to talk about some Hoarse & Buggy shit. Part of me actually thinks that I was able to hide my drunkenness, the other part (the realistic part) fully realizes that the reason he rushed me off the phone is because he knew I was fucking useless. I’m gonna go have a cigar. Ashton Magnums, my favorite, in case you wanted to get my ass a Christmas gift. Always keep them in my humidor. Probable throw some Gza in my ears as well. Be right back.

I got Taco Bell for the first time in a long time. Fucking sweet. Chalupas, Baja.

Anyway, now it was time to go home and Jackie, being the only one among us with a car and license, drove me home.

Do you know about New Yorkers, by the way? Some’ll say that New Yorkers never learn to drive because there is no need to in the big city. Well, I’m living proof, having received my license two years ago at the tender age of twenty-five. And when I got it, most people I know in NY that is my age or older asked me, “Why’d you get your license?” Because Robin was sick of driving me to the comic store, that’s why.

So we’re driving down Ocean Parkway when we stop at a red light. I open my door and begin violently vomiting. There’re cars all around us, the light turns green and I’m passed out, hanging out the door, the only thing keeping me up is my seat belt. And the cars are beeping and Jackie’s telling me to get back in but I’m fucking knocked out. Mary finally gets out of the car and pushes me back in.

Jackie gets me home, helps me up and drives off. Before passing up I throw-up a few more times.

Hey, to my future self, I’m sorry for making you edit this shit (if you decide to use it). I had a good fucking time today, so, whatever. You’re a fucking pansy, future self.

Labels: mitc

Jam, Honor, Drunk, and Hanging Out On Ocean Parkway

Monday, May 09, 2005

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