Diggidy Dorks

Monday, May 23, 2005


Before I start this story I would just like to point out that half-way through it, Microsoft’s spell checker fucking killed itself.

My friend Tony, the kid that came from Oklahoma City and claimed to represent the Crips (that’s right, Oklahoma was hard), had dreams that went beyond mine and David’s. Whereas David and I were perfectly content sitting on his stoop and blasting Boogie Down Productions, NWA or Heavy D, Tony wasn’t content with just listening to hip-hop – he felt we should start a rap group.

So here we were, Tony from Oklahoma City and founding member of the Brooklyn faction of the Four-Deuce Bishop Crips, David from Ecuador, left back in the first grade, his only known talent was the ability to spit out inhuman gobs of saliva and me, the white Puerto Rican that wanted to name our group “Excalibur”.

I don’t know what name we finally went with. The name didn’t matter back then; we were probably “Da Woodhull Boyz” for all I know. What mattered back then was the image; you needed something that really broke new ground, something that people would talk about for at least a month. Unfortunately, for us, we were thirteen years old and had no creative juice at this point.

Rhyme style. Das Efx was pretty cool back then. They would do this stutter-rhyme like so:

Riggidy roar!
Ziggidy Gadzuks Here I go so
Fliggedy flame on g-geronimo, yo
I biggedy burn riggedy rubber when I blabber great
I miggedy make the Wonder Twins deactivate

We decided we should stutter-rap too. But, we didn’t want to be compared to Das Efx, right? So whereas Das Efx had this “Straight from the Sewers” theme, we decided to be “Straight from the Rooftops”. All of our videos would be on rooftops. We even made a song called “Straight from the Rooftops”. We weren’t anything like Das Efx. Siggidy Sewers/Riggidy Rooftops – Appidy-Apples/Orggady-Oranges.

So we had that down and we started writing rhymes. David couldn’t rap (as in, he rapped worse than Tony and I, and we sucked) but he did one hell of a Flavor Flavimpersonation. So, David would come in between verses and say, “YEAAAAAHHHH BOOOOYYYYY!”

So, a typical song would go:

I’m stiggidy straight from the riggidy rooftops
I driggidy drink siggidy soda pop
So gividdy give me ‘nuff priggidy-prig props
Or I’ll sliggidy slap you with my fliggidy-fliggin’ flip-flops


Oh, so, higgidy here I giggidy go,
You figgidy feel my fucking flow
Like jiggidy-jo, fliggidy flo-jo
The riggidy running ho

Yo, yo Jason! We just gettin’ this shit started BOOOYYYYYYYY!

We were that good. Actually, we were probably worse.

Once we had our style, theme and rhymes it came down to clothes. And here’s where it gets really bad. Kris Kross was wearing their clothes backwards. So, we decided to wear ours inside out.

Inside. Out.

As in we flipped our clothes (pants, shirts, jackets and hats) inside out and walked around Red Hook like that, rapping.

I will sell my soul to Satan in exchange for the demo tape we made.


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