H&B Creator Pimping, Stutter Stepping and The Almost Greatest Accomplishment

Sunday, April 24, 2005

I pimped out Jason Hanley before, letterer for both Western Tales and Elk’s Run. Well, he finally got his blog up and he’ll be updating it regularly. Speaking of Jason Hanley, he did a fantastic job of lettering “All the Wrong Choices”, using a nice combination of hand-drawn balloons and digital lettering to really match the artwork. I’m even going to share one of the pages, click on it to blow it up:
All the wrong choices page 3

And speaking of creators getting serious with their dailies, Joshua Hale Fialkov, the Hoarse & Buggy editor in chief and writer of Elk’s Run and the feature Western Tales of Terror stories has finally decided to give his blog and honest-to-God shot and start updating regularly. So check him out as well. He’s previewing some new H&B projects and undertaking some cool exercises.

And one more comic thing, I finished the first draft of my baseball story and it really fucking sucked. Luckily, I have people willing to read it, recognize that and tell me why. Embarrassing me but at the same time minimizing the embarrassment. I suck so hard at self-editing and I should have tuned it down to issues before going to script, my own fault. I was too jazzed. Let that be a lesson, no matter how excited you get about writing something, stick to your method. I’m generally an anal retentive writer; I have four steps I take before going to script. I skipped three of them. If you have a method that works, stick with it.

And with that, I continue my own year long exercise. Today’s story is a bit of a long one but I shot beer out of my nose writing it, I think you’ll like it.

As high school moved on our crew began to take shape. By the time senior year came around a bunch of us moved in and out of various groups and finally settled in our core group. This group was made up of G, Max, B, Jeromeo, Jimmy and I. Occasionally other people would chill with us and occasionally we’d chill with other people but we pretty much solidified ourselves as Crew Proper.

It didn’t last long.

The summer after freshman year in college things got a bit weird. This really breaks down to three parts with little dramas thrown in between them, the first being the day Mike got shot. The second part takes place at a different party, at Jimmy’s house, one where B went home early, a lot of alcohol was consumed, and B’s hot ex-girlfriend and her hot best friend showed up and got a little toasty.

We were playing beer pong, it was G and I verses B’s ex and her friend. We were beating them, and they were getting a bit playful, and declared they weren’t having any fun.

“Let’s play something else,” they ask.

Now, my boy G is a fucking genius. You see, when faced with two hot girls, most guys would sort of back down, get shy. If I was the one to respond to these girls’ desire to do something else, I would have recommend basketball, because I’m awkward like that. These girls are out of my league, I know it, they know it, so I don’t even for a second think to actually try something with them. But not G.

“Let’s play strip poker.”

And they giggle and they agree. And just like that I looked up at God, smiled and mouthed “thank you.” And God replied, “Don’t thank me, G is the fucking man.”

So we find some cards, grab a bunch of beers, and make our way upstairs to Jimmy’s mom’s bedroom – Me, G and two of the sexiest women I’ve ever known up to that point.

G and I aren’t very drunk by any means but we’re sure as hell pretending. B’s ex, who we’ll call A, and her friend are actually drunk and that works to our advantage because, well, G and I cheated in every fucking hand.

About fifteen minutes into the game the two girls are down to their bra and panties and G and I have, like, a sneaker off each. Whereas our plan was genius, the girls start to get a little uncomfortable, despite how many beers we’re handing off to them.

And we win again and worst hand goes to A’s friend and she has to lose something. She looks at G and I and says, “You guys haven’t taken anything off yet." So, without hesitation, knowing we got too greedy, G and I strip down to boxers and t-shirts to even it out at two items of clothing each.

And A’s friend stands up and takes off her panties. Not her bra, like one would expect, but her panties. And at that point we knew this is going to be the best night of our lives.

About five minutes later the two girls are buck-naked and G and I are still in boxers and t-shirts. Again, we got too greedy. A says it’s really not fair, we saw them and they didn’t see us. Being the extrovert that I am, I take the plunge, strip down to nothing and to really loosen up the crowd I start jumping on the bed.

It got some laughs.

G stripped next and revealed what is known in my circles as The Brajole. The Brajole is legend amongst us, let’s just say, without getting too gay, it’s really fucking big. And what we’ve heard from his lady friends, he knows how to use it as well. Now, I know it’s kind of weird to have a dude talking about it, but the knowledge has become so commonplace amongst our friends that none of us really have any qualms when it comes to talking about The Brajole. We’ve been talking to girls about G, with G right there, and told them about The Brajole. We basically stud him out and it’s perfectly fine. We’re proud of him.

Anyway, two girls are naked, I’m jumping on the bed and flapping around, The Brajole is revealed and we’re all loose and drinking. A’s friend, at one point, laid out on the bed naked and says that she’s never had an orgasm unless she’s giving one to herself. Now, G and I have always been about the ladies getting an orgasm. We’re unique in that the two of us firmly believe in going down whenever possible and I at least know I’m really fucking good at it. So G looks at that statement as a challenge and asks if she’s ever had a guy go down on her.

“No. My boyfriend doesn’t like to do it.” We didn’t know she had a boyfriend before that but we didn’t even fucking flinch. The gauntlet was thrown.

And it was at this moment that the unexpected happened.


Nothing at all.

I don’t remember who the fuck initiated what but next thing I know we’re all clothed. I swear, I must have blocked the details out of my mind. We exit Jimmy’s parent’s room and no-one is partying anymore. People are passed out, lights are out. G and I give A and her friend a ride home.

They say good night, give us kisses and get out of the car. G and I drive home in absolute silence, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong.

We get back to Jimmy’s house, pull into the driveway and make our way inside. G walks towards the downstairs bathroom, I turn to go to the upstairs bathroom.

I ask G, “Who are you gonna think about?”

G responds, “[the friend], you?”

“Both of them.”

“Nice. Me too.”

We take care of our business and go to bed. About a week later Brian stops talking to us. I wish we would have at least gotten laid, it would have made losing a friend worthwhile.

impress the ladies, fanboy: Poker? Hardly Knew Her


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