On Rumors, Top Shelf Sale and Homerian Ethics

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

In response to my pimping of Ait/Planet Lar, Larry Young has repimped my blog (March 7th posting). This has people talking all over the internets and from what my sources have told me, Rich Johnston even said in his last Lying in the Gutters column that there is a torrid affair going on between Larry and I (I never read it myself, just too damn long and I have the attention span of sperm…which actually might be pretty good, not sure). Let me set the record straight, there is no affair between Larry and I, but I have been getting heavy with John Romita Jr. Now the secret is out, I’m pretty sure my girlfriend, Robin, will leave me, John will deny our love and I will be damaged comic book goods, forced to slum with Rob Liefeld, man-whoring myself to the likes of Orson Scott Card. Thanks Rich. Thanks for ruining my fucking life. (Just kidding, Rich, loved your column, it will be missed. Congratulations you crazy rumor monger. And in case you, the reader is, you know, stupid, the above rumor gets a red light, it's simply a homage to Rich.)

My comic pimp for the day goes out to Top Shelf Productions and their fantastic graphic novel sale currently going on. Do yourself a favor and buy whatever you can; Top Shelf is the fucking bomb!

BU was winding down and I was in desperate need of some electives. By the time I got to senior year, I pretty much took every single requirement and I just had to pad my schedule with fun classes that I can get an easy A in. I took two religion classes (I love religion, my friend Guam was a religion major and our drunken ramblings are what you would expect from two priests hitting the sacramental wine), an archeology class, a couple of creative writing classes and one class that really didn’t work out: Ethics.

I don’t know why I decided to take an Ethics class, it just sort of sounded like a good idea. We read some Homer, some Plato and after two weeks it was time for our first quiz. I went to the study group, led by our pretentious T.A., and sat in a stupid circle with the rest of my class (I think circles are the dumbest formation a class can sit in, it just feels very “humanities”).

My T.A. told us a bit about himself. One bit of information interested me quite a bit – he was currently getting a PHD in philosophy. Now, I may be wrong here, but there are certain degrees that you just sort of get a Bachelors in and then go to Law or Medical school or go back to living in your families basement. You never get a Masters unless you have money and time to spare and you never get a PHD. You could become a professor but that’s really your only option at that point. These majors are: history, religion, any of the dead languages and there are more but, on top of the list, is most likely philosophy.

So, I called him on it.

“Why would you get a PHD in philosophy?” I’m a straightforward dude, I don’t fuck around. I just asked it. You can tell the class was thinking the same thing.

I’m paraphrasing his reply, but it was along the lines of, “I am doing this so I can learn to think better.”

Now, on top of being straightforward I am also a bit of an asshole. “Well, I think you made a bad call. But I don’t have a PHD in philosophy so I could be wrong.” It really wasn’t meant to be blatantly mean; I just thought he left an opening so I went for the funny. The rest of the class started chuckling but the T.A. sort of fumed, ignored my comment and went back to the review. I pretty much realized that I just swung twice at a change-up, two strikes against me and I haven’t even taken a test yet.

I left the study group early, it was retarded, and I figured I would do fine on the quiz without any help. I didn’t even study for the quiz. Well, I get to class and I knew shit about shit and I couldn’t answer half of the questions. Knowing I had the Mad Thinker against me from the start, I couldn’t afford to take a hit on my first quiz.

So I cheated. I fucking cheated on an ETHICS QUIZ.

I got home and dropped the class. Even if I passed it, I really didn’t learn shit.

read a book, fanboy: America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction


posted by Jason at 5 Comments


Blogger Jason Copland said...

Funny shit, man!
oh, and I knew about you and John weeks ago!

10:29 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

That's because you set us up, Cop Land.

For those that don't know, Cop Land is known in the comic book community as "The Matchmaker". He's always gauging personalities and fixing people up. There's no-one better.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous deeley said...

Funny shit dude. Especially since my good friend's pursuing a PhD in philosophy. He's doing it so he can learn to think better... and concentrate his thoughts into highly-concentrated mind lasers. It's like Scanners 24-hours a day around this guy, I swear. So watch out. He's packing mind bullets.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Mind bullets?

That's telekinesis, Kyle.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Um, for those that don't know, I quoted Tenacious D. Deeley's name is actually Don.

Don Deeley.

Like a porn star.

2:47 PM  

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