Random Tomato Paste Breaks and an Elk’s Run plug
The past three nights I have been working for my day job well past midnight. We (my boss, coworker and I) took a bit of a risk a month ago and decided to take our specialty to another company. We now have to start making money. So I’ve been writing proposals up the ass. Five this month while organizing three for next month. While trying to move, edit two books, find an artist and finish Esau.
Whatever happened to the days when you went to school (or even work) and when you were home you were home and that’s that. Not that I ever really did anything productive with my time. As a matter of fact, let me school you on three of the “games” my crew used to play to occupy our time (when we weren’t drinking or failing at getting ladies).
Breaks – My father used to play this so it wasn’t like we were crazy inventive with this one. There was a shape we made with our hand that if someone looked at it they were “broke”. There were rules of course, the break can not be placed within line of site, the victims eye had to be drawn towards it. If the intended person saw the break, you punched him. If he didn’t fall for it he punched you. Pretty standard game.
But we got obsessed with it. We found some of the most ingenious ways to break people. Take pictures of the break and put it in a stack of photographs, have a friend look through them. Tag team someone where a friend would say, “What’s that?” and point down the hall at someone else that was holding up a break. If someone dropped something we would go down to pick it up and come up empty handed, hand in break formation. “Here you go. BROKE!”
It got ridiculous; eventually it got to the point where you always had to stare into space because someone was trying to break you. We didn’t even punch anymore, just said “Save mine” and went about our business. A punch could easily be turned into a break. So one day we had a breaking the break ceremony. We went down to the pier; everyone gathered in a circle and held our breaks in the air. On the count of three we broke the break hand formation and vowed to never break again. And we wondered why we never got ladies.
Interesting side note, G and I set up our boy Max this past New Years. G took a picture of my break hand on his cell phone and programmed it so when I called it showed up. He was showing Max his new phone when I called. Making use of technology to break someone. Of course, he never changed his picture, so whenever I call him I get this on the other line, “Oh fuck! I have to change that shit!”
Broke G. You were broke.
Random – I don’t know how this game started but we must have been drunk. Hold a dictionary and without looking, open it up and point to a random page. Whatever word you point to is “your word”. At the end of a round, whoever has the most random word (as voted on by the players) wins. The winner makes the losers sing a random song in a random music style.
You could also call “random”. If you call “random” and point to the word "random" in the dictionary, you were the supreme winner for all time and at any point you can command the players to sing a song. At any point. Parties, weddings…anywhere you wanted. This was a very ideal situation to be in. So, if someone had a word like googleplex, you might as well call “random” because you’re going to lose anyway. However, if you call “random” and don’t point to “random”, you had to go into the middle of the street by yourself and do something completely random. Our neighbors thought we were psychotic. If they only knew what we were up to. They would think we were gay.
Tomato Paste – And yes, the weirdest game ever made. It all started when G and I were going to Brian’s house and my mom, quite possibly one of the most random people ever, gave us a can of tomato paste to give to Brian in case he needed it. So we did. The result was unexpected.
About six of us made a pact that the tomato paste will go with us wherever we go. Not only that, someone had to hold it all times and, with the exception of walking, could not partake in any activity while holding the tomato paste. They could also ask, “Hey, can you hold the tomato paste, I have to ______?” You were not allowed to deny the request. If any of these rules were broken, you got punched.
A classic example. We’re in Jimmy’s car. Scenario comes on. Brian turn to me and says, “Can you hold the tomato paste, I want to rap.” I take the tomato paste, he rocks Scenario along with Q-Tip and Busta’ Rhymes.
That lasted an entire summer. Then we went down to the pier with a can opener. Each of us took a turn opening the can of tomato paste. We then said some words, about what the tomato paste meant to us, and threw it in the river while screaming, “Farewell tomato paste!”
Ahh…how I long for those days.
Elk’s Run #1 is in Previews, tell your comic shop to order it! Order # FEB052900. Here’s what people are saying about it:
read a book, fanboy: If Chins Could Kill
turn off the metallica, fanboy: So...How's Your Girl?
Whatever happened to the days when you went to school (or even work) and when you were home you were home and that’s that. Not that I ever really did anything productive with my time. As a matter of fact, let me school you on three of the “games” my crew used to play to occupy our time (when we weren’t drinking or failing at getting ladies).
Breaks – My father used to play this so it wasn’t like we were crazy inventive with this one. There was a shape we made with our hand that if someone looked at it they were “broke”. There were rules of course, the break can not be placed within line of site, the victims eye had to be drawn towards it. If the intended person saw the break, you punched him. If he didn’t fall for it he punched you. Pretty standard game.
But we got obsessed with it. We found some of the most ingenious ways to break people. Take pictures of the break and put it in a stack of photographs, have a friend look through them. Tag team someone where a friend would say, “What’s that?” and point down the hall at someone else that was holding up a break. If someone dropped something we would go down to pick it up and come up empty handed, hand in break formation. “Here you go. BROKE!”
It got ridiculous; eventually it got to the point where you always had to stare into space because someone was trying to break you. We didn’t even punch anymore, just said “Save mine” and went about our business. A punch could easily be turned into a break. So one day we had a breaking the break ceremony. We went down to the pier; everyone gathered in a circle and held our breaks in the air. On the count of three we broke the break hand formation and vowed to never break again. And we wondered why we never got ladies.
Interesting side note, G and I set up our boy Max this past New Years. G took a picture of my break hand on his cell phone and programmed it so when I called it showed up. He was showing Max his new phone when I called. Making use of technology to break someone. Of course, he never changed his picture, so whenever I call him I get this on the other line, “Oh fuck! I have to change that shit!”
Broke G. You were broke.
Random – I don’t know how this game started but we must have been drunk. Hold a dictionary and without looking, open it up and point to a random page. Whatever word you point to is “your word”. At the end of a round, whoever has the most random word (as voted on by the players) wins. The winner makes the losers sing a random song in a random music style.
You could also call “random”. If you call “random” and point to the word "random" in the dictionary, you were the supreme winner for all time and at any point you can command the players to sing a song. At any point. Parties, weddings…anywhere you wanted. This was a very ideal situation to be in. So, if someone had a word like googleplex, you might as well call “random” because you’re going to lose anyway. However, if you call “random” and don’t point to “random”, you had to go into the middle of the street by yourself and do something completely random. Our neighbors thought we were psychotic. If they only knew what we were up to. They would think we were gay.
Tomato Paste – And yes, the weirdest game ever made. It all started when G and I were going to Brian’s house and my mom, quite possibly one of the most random people ever, gave us a can of tomato paste to give to Brian in case he needed it. So we did. The result was unexpected.
About six of us made a pact that the tomato paste will go with us wherever we go. Not only that, someone had to hold it all times and, with the exception of walking, could not partake in any activity while holding the tomato paste. They could also ask, “Hey, can you hold the tomato paste, I have to ______?” You were not allowed to deny the request. If any of these rules were broken, you got punched.
A classic example. We’re in Jimmy’s car. Scenario comes on. Brian turn to me and says, “Can you hold the tomato paste, I want to rap.” I take the tomato paste, he rocks Scenario along with Q-Tip and Busta’ Rhymes.
That lasted an entire summer. Then we went down to the pier with a can opener. Each of us took a turn opening the can of tomato paste. We then said some words, about what the tomato paste meant to us, and threw it in the river while screaming, “Farewell tomato paste!”
Ahh…how I long for those days.
Elk’s Run #1 is in Previews, tell your comic shop to order it! Order # FEB052900. Here’s what people are saying about it:
read a book, fanboy: If Chins Could Kill
turn off the metallica, fanboy: So...How's Your Girl?
posted by Jason at
9:58 AM
4 Comments:
I'm crying with laughter here... Thanks for the trip down memory lane J. I too long for those days!
OK, that was kinda gay sounding.
Peace!
- G
P.S. - I still havent changed that picture.
P.P.S - Here's an alphabetic code I want you to try to decipher with all them fancy government computers ...
2 - 18 - 15 - 11 - 5
"Whatever happened to the days when you went to school (or even work) and when you were home you were home and that’s that. Not that I ever really did anything productive with my time."
This is so true. Since I became a grown up I can't remember a night that I just sat around and wondered what I should do with my night. Instead I sit around and wonder what task I am going to start first.
Oh well.
saul
p.s. I am helping promote ELK'S RUN! I talk it up to everyone I know and will start mentioning it to Comic Book Owners this weekend.
Also........So How's Your Girl is good but White people is AWESOME!
s.
G -
Best. Break. Ever. I did the "B" "R" and "O" and was saying, this is the easiest fucking code ever, this is like the default. Got to the "K" and I my neck snapped in two.
You have the picture of me rocking the llallo gear on the F-train with the American flag behind me, use that one. This way, when I call, if a lady sees it, she'll know I like to party.
Saul -
Thanks for pimping the fuck out of ER. I think we're going to do stupid sales on that book. People just know about it already, it's crazy. I try to pimp it and they say, "Oh yeah, I'm ordering that already."
And "White People" is good but I like "So..." better. Preference, I guess. I'm sure I'll eventually pimp "White People" on here as well as every other Prince Paul album.
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