Jason Rodriguez - The Moose in the Closet: Accidentally damning Poppy to hell (or why I never “swear” anymore unless I really, really mean it)

I’m not extremely religious an in dogmatic religion but I consider myself pretty spiritual. And not just because it’s trendy, I actually go through all the motions. I pray every night, take moments out of my day to thank whoever is obviously hook me up and try to follow some sort of righteous help people out path. My praying is usually pretty casual, I just sort of talk to God while I fall asleep, about my day, tell him stories. I don’t know - I just figure everyone else bothers him with requests; I just try to make him laugh.

Last night for some reason I decided to see which of the original Ten Commandments I break routinely. Four of them but it really depends on the definition. I don’t keep the Sabbath “holy” per se but that come from creationism and on the seventh day God rested, that’s what I do. So I don’t think I break it but others probably do. Committing adultery. That’s a tough one. I’m a pretty monogamous dude, as in, I am. Six years with Robin. Six years! But not married. Again, that one is a bit murky. Bear false witness, occasionally. I’m a business man, I need to lie occasionally. Or embellish the truth at least.

Taking the name of the lord in vain. That’s what we’re talking about today. I think “God damn it” is my favorite phrase. And I occasionally “swear”, as in “I’m telling the truth swear to God”. But, in my defense, I only swear when I am absolutely 100% sure that I am telling the truth. Why? Because I damned my poppy to hell when I was a kid.

This is probably one of my earliest memories. I think I was in kindergarten at the time, my mom was walking me to school. I remember lying about something, I don’t know what it was. My mom knew I was lying and she was vexing.

“Are you telling the truth?”

“Yes, mom.”

“Do you swear on poppy?”

Now, poppy was my mother’s father. He died before I turned 1. He was a WWII hero and a neighborhood legend. He won all sorts of purple hearts and some silver things – a whole lot of medals. I think it was like 13. Seriously, not joking, I have a picture of it, I'll put it up when I get home. Anyway, I’m like 5 or 6 years old and who wants to get in trouble at that age? Getting in trouble means no ice cream.

“Yes, mom! I swear!”

And here is the memory that will be forever burned into my brain. My mom coming down to my level, looking me right in the eye and saying, “You swear? You know if you swear and you’re lying you’re sending Poppy, my father, to hell.”

Well. That’s just fucking great. Why didn’t you tell me that before I swore? What could I do? I already swore, too late to take it back. Poppy was frying now in my mind.

“I’m sure.” I had no other choice.

Looking back at it now it’s kind of funny. My mom, love her to death, had a flair for the dramatic. I highly doubt that by swearing on Poppy and lying about it because I didn’t want to get in trouble negates everything the man did in his life. If anything I damned myself to hell.

But still, sticks with me. When I swear on something, even if it’s my Daredevil collection, people believe it.

read a book, fanboy: The Crying of Lot 49

turn off the metallica, fanboy: Low End Theory

Labels: mitc

Accidentally damning Poppy to hell (or why I never “swear” anymore unless I really, really mean it)

Friday, January 28, 2005

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